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I’m very spiritual as well and I didn’t realize how much it affected me. I’ve always had bad depression, anxiety and PTSD. And I didn’t realize why life fell apart with this woman I am so madly in love with. Together for a while, we broke up and had time apart but also we were still seeing each other. Slowly I was getting worse and worse, more insecure and always over thinking when she wasn’t with me. I realized after our break up when we had that small window of time alone I was so sad without her and this was the only thing to keep my mind off of her when she wasn’t around, it made everything go away for a little bit. I now realize my insecurity’s and a lot of my issues that didn’t allow us to fix our relationship were from this and the way it made me feel. I ended up losing the girl and shit man, I don’t heart break ever hurt this bad in my life. This woman was a ride or die for me, my best friend and truly a soulmate. Since we’ve stopped talking I feel things have gotten worse and never get better, I am a lot more distant from family and friends than I was before. My depression, anxiety and PTSD seem to of gotten 100x worse. I had an epiphany last week while actually watching porn. I’m not sure why but I got this evil feeling and a heavy weight on my shoulders while watching it- sent me into an anxiety attack. I turned it off, was good for a few weeks and started slowly feeling a little bit better. Then, I see some stuff with my ex on the internet with some other guy and instantly my heart just shatters again. The next day after nothing but crying (sobbing. Yes I know I sound like a soft little bitch but I’m sharing in hopes someone can support me as well and let people know you aren’t alone in this shit) and questioning what was wrong with me, convincing myself that everything is my fault and I’m a piece of shit. I ended up watching it again just to subside the pain. Even it meant just for 10 minutes. Anyways I am back in to this stupid shit again and it honestly hurts me, I feel mentally and physically so exhausted, I feel like my soul is drained, and again- I feel like I’m back at step one all over again with me ex. I feel Alan my growing that I’ve tried to do has been set back again, I feel my heart shattered and a hole in my chest with that bad butterfly feeling in my gut. I now see that towards the end of our relationship and me getting into porn really affected it, changed my attitude and personality, my energy. She didn’t know I was watching because to be honest I used to never watch porn. Maybe like once every couple months. And only was it recently I started looking up what pornography does to your mind and body. I truly believe my addiction to it caused a snowball effect into me ruining my relationship with myself and my ex. Which then caused more pain= heartbreak, more depression, more anxiety, blaming myself, wishing I was good enough for her, and constantly holding this thought in my head on how I could of fixed things and made things work. Porn is really such an evil thing. I let it control me, change me and honestly it controlling me caused every issue I have- to be 1000x worse, causes real bad insecurities, shit not even going to lie- I don’t even find women appealing anymore. Like I’m so caught on my ex, have no self esteem, girls talk to me and I’ll flirt and shit and just lead them on when in reality I don’t feel an ounce of emotion towards them. My sex life is pathetic, I’m insecure with that and I know I’m fine but like you can’t even stay hard with a female, the intimacy is not there, the pleasure isn’t there. At first I was thinking it’s because I’m not over my ex but not only is it that it’s the fact your mind craves what you see in porn and not real life scenarios you know? Not going to lie- I am very much in love with my ex still and porn prevents you from moving on in life and in general just prevents you from growing and continuing your journey. You feel stuck and like nothing will every be okay. And while being stuck in that mindset you never actually make the effort to grow or change. Sorry for the long story but this is a tiny portion of my life in how pornography ruined my relationship and played a role into me losing this woman I am so deeply in love with... , ruined me and degraded myself. It’s such a disgusting and evil thing. Yesterday I told myself I’m going to quit this shit forever and I know it’s not easy but I feel like this needs to be done. Thank you for this video and to everyone sharing your stories and making an effort to stop, I am proud of you and there no judgement. It takes a lot of guts to express this shit because it is embarrassing and disgusting. So props on realizing your issues and making the effort to fix them